A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn’t act that way very often. ~Author Unknown
Stubbornness in a child is seen as a negative trait by his parents. Is there another way of looking at it? A child’s stubbornness is both his way of showing the world, that he can think for himself and that he has his own thoughts and beliefs, which he can assert. This gives them a feeling that they have some control over the situation, which in turn, boosts their self-esteem. Stubbornness takes a nasty turn when there is resistance to change or attack of rebellion. We come across articles in newspapers; magazines etc about kids being stubborn or putting up a show at public places or even at home when they are denied their wishes.
Nowadays parents do not let the children strive to achieve something. Children simply want instant gratification. If they see something on the television, or with an affluent friend of theirs, they want it immediately and do not rest until they get what they desire. Parents often wonder what to gift their child? They are in a fix because their dear child has everything, available in the market. In earlier days children had to wait for festivals, birthdays and special occasions to get a frock or a pair of shoes as gifts.
How to deal with stubborn child
It’s important to spend quality time with the children, teach them good habits, inculcate values, read stories with a moral. That is how parents would bond with the children. Giving in to the children’s demands is fine up to a point beyond which the parent have to learn to say no and make the child work towards attainment of that particular thing. Working parents and parents who lead a very active social life and hence cannot give time to their children feel that giving in to their child’s demands would compensate for the lack of quality time spent with the children. Advertising campaigns make ads keeping children as the target audience. This is because of the trend that if a child wants something parents will buy it.
Some useful behavioral strategies
Make the child learn the importance of money
Introduce the concept of pocket money to establish financial discipline or as a reward for a job well done. Pocket money should not be given whenever asked for; instead a stipulated amount should to be fixed. If the child wants something which is of greater value than the pocket money then the child simply has to wait till he collects that amount. It should be limited in amount and the child has to spend it judiciously. By introducing he concept of pocket money a parent can make the child understand the value of money and boost his morale. Teaching the child the value of money will surely happen. But it will take immense patience on the parents’ part and a few mistakes on the child’ part.
Learn to say NO
Parents have to realize that they are trying to raise their children to have pride, dignity, and good judgment as they have learned these traits from their parents. It’s very difficult for parents to say no but they have to learn this and do it right. Parents do not have to resort to violence or threatening. Making the child understand that why is he being refused will help both the parent and the child. Do not refuse him or suddenly say no. Instead make him understand.
Make the child accept reality
Take time out to make the child understand the financial capabilities and the value system prevailing. Some affluent parents believe in giving their best to their children. Such children have the latest gizmos, flaunt expensive clothes and drive expensive cars. But what about children who cannot afford to have these? Should they force their parent into buying one of those? The answer is “NO”. The parents should make the child realize the differences in social status, financial condition, differences in lifestyle and value systems and make the child accept it.
Being angry with them is not the solution. Instead it will act as a reagent to the situation. Patience, care, love and respect for your child’s intellect are the keys to good parenting. Nothing will happen overnight. But slowly and surely you will notice the difference.
